Staying Busy

One of the hardest things after a break up is entering back into the world alone. It's a lonely feeling to know you only have yourself to depend upon and that you don't have that special someone right by your side to cheer you on.

I find myself constantly replaying certain memories I shared with my ex at certain places I pass each day. I wonder if he'll think of me when he passes or enters these same locations? It makes me sad to think that I won't have new memories with my ex at certain locations, but then when I think about how unavailable he was; he probably wouldn't have been there to share them with me anyhow. It would have turned into an argument of him not having the time to attend something that was important to me. The thought of argueing...urr...makes me realize I made the right decision to nip the relationship in the butt. One day I'll find the someone who won't be able to get enough of my time and attention.


Well enough of me thinking about the future guy, I need to keep my mind focused on the present and what I have control over right now. And that is this very moment and tomorrow. After several break ups I've learned a little technique that seems to help me....staying busy. It's hard at first for me to do this because I think I kind of enjoy feeling sorry for myself. I just need a couple days of bumming around, having a good cry, a couple bitch sessions on the phone with my girl friends and then the companionship of a couple good guy friends.

This past Sunday, I tried having a sop day in bed. I of course awoke that morning from a wonderful dream of I and my ex; only for reality to kick in 10 seconds afterward that "I'm single". So that morning I laid there and I had a good cry. I cried about him, my self, about my ex before this ex, about my family, about school, about finances...just everything. I think I even cried because I was crying if that is possible. I tried avoiding the world that day. But my cell phone kept ringing and finally I picked it up. I sounded like a foul on the phone to my good friend Christie, but she seemed to understand the silent cry for help underneath my tears, heavy breathing and mumbled words. 20 minutes later my apartment door buzzer rang. I dreaded to answer it, but sure enough it was Christie, my brother and a good guy friend. They sprang into my apartment and immediately I felt better. I ended up having so much fun with them that they stayed the night. Thank God they came over; oh what a waste of life Sunday could have become. I felt loved and I remembered how great my life is. These people love me for me and see the greatness within me and that is exactly what I needed on that sob Sunday morning.

Since Sunday, I started blogging, eating healthy, returned to work, began reading a novel, been catching up with old friends, spending time alone and sweating like a fat kid at the gym. My life is busy again and it's only been a week. My cell phone rings constantly and I realize how much of an impact I have upon people's lives.

So I'm going to keep on and I will try not hoping for my ex to come back into my life. I tried loving and sharing my life with him and just because it didn't work out this time, I'm not going to stop trying love again. I'm hurt and I didn't get what I hoped for this time around but I know one day I'll find what I've been looking for. I'll look back on all my heartache and past relationships and be happy I made the decisions to end certain relationships so that I could spend my life with my future partner. Whoever he is, he's out there right now living his life and he's getting his life ready for me, just like I'm getting mine ready for him.

I'll be staying busy and from now on if someone wants to make plans with me; I'm going to take them up on it. I'm not going to wait in limbo anymore. I'm just going to get out there and live my life as full as possible.