A Purpose

My cousin, Eugene Selje, passed away Thursday night from a heart attack. He contracted HIV a number of years ago and the virus was very aggressive to his body over the past year. He told my Aunt that he felt he had no purpose in life. When she informed me of this, I felt great sadness for him. I could imagine feeling this way when you realize that your health is fading and the hope of tomorrow becomes a luxury of pain and sickness.

My cousin and I lived a thousand miles apart; however, I always felt a connection with him. The virus he had did not deter my love; if anything, it strengthen it because I witnessed his strength and inner beauty. I never thought HIV or AIDS would affect someone I cared about, let alone a family member. I always imagined it to be a virus we were warned about in high school, but would never come into contact with.

Gene may of felt that he didn't have a purpose near the end of his life, but in many ways his passing may of been one of God's purposes. I know since his passing, I've made it a point to be more alive. To love a little deeper, acknowledge those around me, take in the air I'm breathing, spend more time with the Lord, sing a little louder, cry when I feel down, and take in the beauty that surrounds me. I've been looking at things a little differently and I know right now, I have a purpose and a potential to do great things.

God has many purposes for my life and I look forward to completing them. I've been reading the book, 'A Purpose Driven Life' by Rick Warren. I'm into day #18 of the 40 days and it helps me to understand and want to fulfill God’s purposes for putting me on earth.

I am thankful for today and love my cousin, Gene. If you are looking for your purpose, check out this book.

Escaping Coupledom

I am alone and happy. The search for coupledom is off and getting in-touch with me is on!

My ability to blog has been limited, due to me cutting my dependency on Time Warner for the next month. This new found freedom has allowed for me to be productive with my time. The artist within me has been revived and now my thougths and feelings are brushed upon canvas and drawn on paper. In addition to art, I spend my time reading, jogging and I've been expanding my wardrobe. I must admit, I'm in love with skinny jeans and knee high boots. I’m back in control of my life and I’m not ready to attach it to someone else's.

I’m going to try and take a couple months off  from finding a partner. Now that is a challenge, because I'm a lover and enjoy sharing my life with others. My next relationship is going to happen, because it just does. Not because I put my life on hold or because I make all these accommodations to have it be available to someone. I’m in my prime and I’m happy with who I am.

I recently finished the book, “Be Honest-You’re Not That Into Him Either” by Ian Kerner and it has made me realize that I get hung up on men that I never wanted to date in the first place. I lower my standards without even realizing it. I end up settling because they like me, they want my time or because I start to care; however, the whole time I’m in the relationship knowing that it’s not what I want. Kerner’s take away from the book is simple and this:

“Trust yourself. Trust your instincts. Don’t get wrapped up in finding or keeping a man, resorting to rules and tactics and playing the number game. Learn to stop succumbing to the pressure to achieve coupledom. That way, when the real thing comes along, you will be ready, willing, and able to jump in with both feet, not caught on some infernal treadmill where you wouldn’t know the real thing if it slapped you in the fanny pack.”
 
So I give up! I'm done. I love men and one day I'm going to have an amazing relationship. In the meantime, I'm going to live an amazing life on my own.

Getting Lost In A Book

If I could keep my mind attentive and eyes wide open, I would start reading a new book called 'Still Missing' by Chevy Stevens tonight.  It was recommended by my boyfriend's mother and it appears to have everything women want to read in it: love, abduction, terror, sex, girl-kick-ass and life. The kind of shit men don't want to read about, but women do.So it's sweet dreams to me and, before I know it, good morning hardcover book in between my sheets.

I guess it's a sign that I'm getting older, because my Friday morning highlight isn't the cartoons, Jerry Springer reruns or being able to sleep in till noon. Instead, it's finding pleasure in getting lost within the pages of a well written novel.

Writing My Story

Though my week has had a rough start, I had a great past weekend with my siblings. After a nice evening of Wii Fit and wine with my brother, Jason, I was inspired to write a book. He mentioned the idea to me after we discussed what I am planning to do with my chosen field of study in Journalism.

After some contemplation on the issue, I've decided to go for it. I'm unsure about what I want to write about, so I'm going to start by writing my own autobiography. I figure ideas for books and things will come as I reveal my life's story. I have nothing to lose, and figure I'll have something to leave behind for my family when I'm old, gray and dead.

"Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man"

I'm sure you've wondered what men think about love, relationships, intimacy and commitment. I have, and was recently given a highly recommended book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like A Man" by Steve Harvey from my dear mother. She encouraged me to read it so that I could better understand the MEN in my life. I took her advice and I'd love to share some insight with you about the opposite sex we ladies can't seem to understand or live without!

I first need to say and admit that men are simple and women are complicated. All they need is support, love and sex. So keep this in mind as you read the insight I received from the book.

Men show love differently than women. They aren't as mushy, emotional, romantic, complimentary, passionate, nurturing or hoping for a scene out of "The Notebook" or "P.S. I love you;" like we are. In reality a man shows his love in three ways by Professing, Providing and Protecting. If he isn't doing these three things for you, then he definitely isn't thinking long term and you should drop him! If a man wants to be yours, he's willing to tell anybody and everybody about you (profess). Once a man has professed or claimed you he will want to make sure you are cared for (provide). "Society has told us men for millennium that our primary function is to make sure our families are set- whether we're alive or dead (25)." Thirdly he will stand by you and will do his best to make sure nothing bad happens to you (protect).

A man has to have three things accomplished before he can be the man you need or want in your life. Until a man has accomplished these things or is at least on the track to accomplishing them he won't be able to adequately fulfill your needs of attention and satisfaction. Majority of his attention will be going to focus in upon himself, not you or the future of your relationship...that will drive you nuts.

Men at a young age are primed to pursue "manhood." They are constantly in pursuit of becoming a man. As a man matures he needs to accomplish knowing "who he is, what he does and how much he makes." Until then he will not be able to be the complete package a woman wants or needs in her life because he hasn't yet accomplished the foundation for what his whole life has been made to focus upon.

So the take away from this book is to understand that you won't be able to get the kind of relationship a woman feels she deserves with a man until that man has reached his level of "manhood" by his own definition. So ladies don't waste your time trying to change men who are trying to work on attaining their "manhood." It will only cause you to be frustrated and dissatisfied. Let the man develop on his own and in the mean time go find a man who is ready to have a good woman in his life, because that is what you need and want.