Accepting the Things I Cannot Change....Hard!

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference."

These are the words to the famous Serenity Prayer. Acceptance seems to be such an easy task, but it's really quite frustrating for me because I am an avid believer in change.

I have recently realized that my inability at times to accept situations and people have hindered my ability to find complete happiness.

I'm struggling right now to accept that I have a disease called, ulcerative colitis. I was diagnosed 4 years-ago with this inflammatory disease of the colon. The disease is treatable but there currently is no cure. My disease has come out of remission and restricting the amount of food I can intake. The cramps and bleeding are so severe that at times I feel that I might die or pass out from the pain. The mix of fatigue, low nutrition, sleep deprivation, drugs, stress and fear added up yesterday and I balled. The moment one tear fell, they simply rained down my cheeks. I'm in a battle against myself...mind vs. body and the body is winning.

Through my tears and fear I realized that have to accept this disease, otherwise I will stew in misery. For me to get better I'm going to give up solid food for one week and then slowly reintroduce solids into my diet. This is going to be a hard task but one I must do before or if I am to enter the next phase in treatment. Which would be going into a hospital for an infused drug called Remicade. The side effects on this drug are scary and it would be something I would have to maintain.

As for my trouble with accepting certain actions from people, I would have to refer to the man I am newly dating. We dated for three year during college but ended things shortly before he graduated because I was craving more from him. An important aspect of developing acceptance is learning to avoid craving. I craved more affection from him and longed for it, which unfortunately craving made me unhappy with the relationship. The longing created an unhappy form of dissatisfaction, which made me reject my relationship and blinded my ability to see just how good we had it. I and him have discussed both of our problems in the relationship and are making a good faith effort to incorporate affection and realistic expectations into the relationship. Only time will tell if I and him can truly accept and grow together.

So this is where I am. I'm going to keep on living and being happy. Life is good and God is great.

Please place me in your prayers, this is one of the hardest things I've had to deal with in my life.

Thank you.