Those who love you want the best for you, right? Well I and the man I have been dating have been trying to work out the kinks in our relationship over the past two months, but the one thing that keeps him at a distance is him thinking that I don't understand the concept of ACCEPTANCE.
This concept doesn't quite make sense to me, because I think people should want to please those they love..which means they should want to do certain actions. I'm not meaning that a person needs to change who they are, just try to show certain actions.
The definition of acceptance according to the Webster's Dictionary: " to endure without protest or reaction." Meaning that you perceive reality (situations, people, things) in your life accurately for what they are and not what you expect or want from them. This way you don't get disappointed or frustrated. True acceptance means realizing you can't control things or people so you just take them for what they are and happy with what you get.
Well I think my problem is that I understand that these people have the capability to change or do this action and I feel that I'm entitled to it due to the relationship between them and I. So why aren't they doing what I would like? And because they don't' do these actions I hold a slight resentment toward them which hinders my ability to have a strong relationship with them. Well In my mind if they would only do these actions they could have a strong relationship with me.
So I'm set out this afternoon to research the Internet in search of understanding this concept that is to bring me complete happiness.
Getting disappointed in some people's actions or lack of it is part of being human, isn't it? Like for example I accept that my father doesn't like to give out money, however I do still get upset that he doesn't mail me a birthday card with money or offer to help me out while I struggle through college. I have gotten upset with men I've dated because they refuse to show affection in the form oh how I believe a boyfriend should show to his girlfriend. These are the only two situations I can think of that I've gotten upset about someones lack of action because I can't change them. I hope for these actions from these people because I perceive my expectations from them to be standard. They are expectations that are culturally accepted...a father caring for his family (financially and emotionally) or a boyfriend rubbing his girlfriends shoulders or feet to reduce her stress. These are actions of love that show to me that they care for me and want me to be happy.
I understand the ability to just appreciate things for what they are and not hope for more will lead to happiness. So where do I go from here, how can I implement acceptance into my life? How do I give up what I feel I deserve? How do I reduce my expectation of how I feel love should be shown to me? I'm a little lost to be honest.
From http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/06/self-discipline-acceptance/ about acceptance. "This may sound simple and obvious, but in practice it’s extremely difficult. If you experience chronic difficulties in a particular area of your life, there’s a strong chance that the root of the problem is a failure to accept reality as it is.
From a blog http://rexiemh.blogspot.com/2006/09/acceptance-prayer.html "My prayer for the day....it has come to my attention yet again that I am trying to control things that are beyond my control. I need to accept that I have certain things in my life that have the appearance of being things I can change when in reality they are things I cannot change. By continually trying to change that which I cannot I am being selfish and not of maximum service to God and those around me. So for today I will pray this prayer and pick up the tools that have been given me to deal with those things.....thanks to those who love me enough to help me see this blind spot and have so compassionately guided me on this journey."
This concept doesn't quite make sense to me, because I think people should want to please those they love..which means they should want to do certain actions. I'm not meaning that a person needs to change who they are, just try to show certain actions.
The definition of acceptance according to the Webster's Dictionary: " to endure without protest or reaction." Meaning that you perceive reality (situations, people, things) in your life accurately for what they are and not what you expect or want from them. This way you don't get disappointed or frustrated. True acceptance means realizing you can't control things or people so you just take them for what they are and happy with what you get.
Well I think my problem is that I understand that these people have the capability to change or do this action and I feel that I'm entitled to it due to the relationship between them and I. So why aren't they doing what I would like? And because they don't' do these actions I hold a slight resentment toward them which hinders my ability to have a strong relationship with them. Well In my mind if they would only do these actions they could have a strong relationship with me.
So I'm set out this afternoon to research the Internet in search of understanding this concept that is to bring me complete happiness.
Getting disappointed in some people's actions or lack of it is part of being human, isn't it? Like for example I accept that my father doesn't like to give out money, however I do still get upset that he doesn't mail me a birthday card with money or offer to help me out while I struggle through college. I have gotten upset with men I've dated because they refuse to show affection in the form oh how I believe a boyfriend should show to his girlfriend. These are the only two situations I can think of that I've gotten upset about someones lack of action because I can't change them. I hope for these actions from these people because I perceive my expectations from them to be standard. They are expectations that are culturally accepted...a father caring for his family (financially and emotionally) or a boyfriend rubbing his girlfriends shoulders or feet to reduce her stress. These are actions of love that show to me that they care for me and want me to be happy.
I understand the ability to just appreciate things for what they are and not hope for more will lead to happiness. So where do I go from here, how can I implement acceptance into my life? How do I give up what I feel I deserve? How do I reduce my expectation of how I feel love should be shown to me? I'm a little lost to be honest.
From http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/06/self-discipline-acceptance/ about acceptance. "This may sound simple and obvious, but in practice it’s extremely difficult. If you experience chronic difficulties in a particular area of your life, there’s a strong chance that the root of the problem is a failure to accept reality as it is.
From a blog http://rexiemh.blogspot.com/2006/09/acceptance-prayer.html "My prayer for the day....it has come to my attention yet again that I am trying to control things that are beyond my control. I need to accept that I have certain things in my life that have the appearance of being things I can change when in reality they are things I cannot change. By continually trying to change that which I cannot I am being selfish and not of maximum service to God and those around me. So for today I will pray this prayer and pick up the tools that have been given me to deal with those things.....thanks to those who love me enough to help me see this blind spot and have so compassionately guided me on this journey."
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