Moving On With It All

The move ahead for me is not just to another location, it's about moving on with my life.

After an amazing busy day, I find myself wide awake at 2:00 a.m. packing and organizing my belongings for the move to Waukesha. It was official today when I received a call from my new landlord that everything is ready for me to move in.

I received the call with joy while releasing a deep breath that held the last bit of hope I had to stay in Madison. I'm moving back into familiar territory, close to my childhood friends, family and two prospective employment areas.

Moving away from Madison means leaving things I love and cherish behind me. Like my favorite running trail, my small efficiency I call home, my college friends, the freedom to ride my bicycle without looking like a weirdo, restaurants that know my name, and most importantly my college love, Beau.

It's hard to leave my best friend and partner. It was actually the only thing that really kept me grounded to stay in Madison. After much contemplation and prayer I believe it's not in God's timing for us to be together right now in life. I have things I need to experience and so does he.

So I'm going to ride my life out and just let things be whatever they shall amount to.

Uncertainty is Certain

It's soon time for me to turn the page on this college chapter of my life and move on to the next. It seems that everyday a new opportunity comes my way and right now I feel excited and very uncertain.

Madison, Wisconsin has been an amazing community that has allowed for me to grow, learn, become independent, and my education has laid a foundation for me to spring into the world. The only thing is Madison won't be the area I spring into a career. I haven't landing a full-time job, so I will be moving back into my hometown area. I currently have a job as a freelance writer for the website http://www.townme.com/madison-wi which can travel with me. I am going to continue the job hunting game and live in a more affordable area with a roomie or two.

Now the living arrangement is where it all gets complicated. I have 5 options and all have pros and cons. So I'm giving it to God and looking forward to the future. I'm a little uneasy about change, but I know good things are ahead.

Anxious, Anger and Afraid the 3 A's to Avoid

My mom is my inner voice during times of need or change. Her words have not only echoed in my life, but in the lives of those who have seeked me for guidance. I've told many women this quote from my mother. It's something that has inspired me and allowed for me to make positive change.

"God doesn't want these 3 A's in your life: anxiousness, anger, and being afraid. If you feel either of these give it to God and realize that these are things that are not healthy and good for you."

So whenever I feel afraid, angry or anxious in a situation and I'm not in a stubborn mood :); I realize that this is not what God wants in my life and I make positive change.

Small Town Return

There is just something about small towns. They set my mind at ease and make me feel that my troubles are miles away. It's nice to take a mid-afternoon jog and reflect upon childhood memories that once seemed that they would never become tiny flashbacks in my young adult life.

Today I took in the fresh air from my hometown area, said "hello" to the people that I passed, admired parents playing with their children in the park and enjoyed catching up with a wonderful high school friend.

Returning to my hometown area reminds me of how good life was and still is. I realize that the once young rebellious child I was, has grown-up into becoming everything she knew she could be, but was afraid of becoming.

As a child, I never thought I'd grow up. Hours seemed like days and days felt like weeks and weeks nagged on as if they were years. Now I've reached the point where the opposite has occurred. My days slip bye me and become years so quickly and all I want is for today to last forever.

I love coming back to my hometown and being proud of who I am and where I've come from.

Where is my niche?

So it has been 5 weeks since I graduated and about four months of career searching; I'm starting to feel like a failure. As the days go bye I feel less and less sure of where things are going. I know I have the rest of my life to work full-time so I shouldn't rush into anything, but right now finding a full-time job would be amazing.

It would allow for me to know where I should relocate in the next 5 weeks (my lease is up Aug. 15), allow for me to know if my honey and I have a future together in Dane County, some money to plan a little vacation, and fill my day with productivity.

All I need to do is find a niche...some place I can grow and develope into a career leader.

Unemployment Depression

What is this? Am I suffering from unemployment depression? I find myself sleeping often and waking up every half an hour to the thought of "oh shit I don't have a job" or "oh no, I don't know where my life is going," or this one, "fuck my life!"

So I've graduated without a full-time job. I thought this whole go to college and start a career was going to be a little easier. Especially because I applied myself during school with internships, jobs, student organizations and volunteer opportunities.

I have an education, a resume which no employer seems to care to look at until during our interview, experience in a variety of marketing areas, two part-time jobs, an unpaid internship in the capitol and an apartment lease which is about to end in two months.

Where is my life going? God help me.

Appreciating the Small Things

The smell of fresh cut grass
cherry blossoms flying into my hair
dandelions between my toes
a cool breeze brushing my bangs across my cheek
a clear blue sky with a blinding sun
time to enjoy a beautiful spring afternoon in solitude
dipping my feet into the cold lake
sitting on a bench taking in the view
finding comfort and meditation from the sun's rays

A few things that allow for me to love where I am at in life and the greatest thing: they're free

One Flaw of Women

Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left..
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you..

The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.

Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Secret to a Happy Life

I might not have much at the age of 23, but what I do have is happiness. 

I was thinking lately about money and the future and I came to realize that money only makes life more complicated. So I was thinking, why am I so happy right now? And what I realized is people should come up with a list of 5 things that make them happy. Then remind yourself that this is really all you need, because the more stuff we acquire in our lives, the less time we have to spend doing the 5 things that make us happy. Below is my list:

1. God

2. Looking good (health and clothing)

3. running

4. Family and friends

5. drawing

So I'm going to keep these 5 things in perspective as I go on with life.

Love Today, Don't Wait For Tomorrow

I've learned many important lessons over the past weekend, all which have to do with love. This past weekend someone in my family attempted to commit suicide.

I was extremely scared and shocked about this situation. I didn't know how to make sense of the news. I felt some guilt wondering if I had contributed to this person's decision to end his life. Here are some lessons that I have learned:

1. Express your love for those you care for each day, for tomorrow is never guaranteed

2. The Lord's strength can make your weaknesses stronger

3. When life is hard, family is all that matters

4. That I can unconditionally love no matter what the situation

5. People have secrets and fears, let those you love know they can be open and honest with you

6. Your intuition is almost always right

7. Life is not all blue skies and smiles

8. During times of grief their are moments of laughter

I've gone through hell this past weekend, but I wasn't alone. My immediate family was there too. We were there together and will be stronger because of this situation as a family.

Blog Drive Low...Need to Blog

My life has become extremely busy; to the point that I've abandoned my blog :(. Well instead of thinking about wanting to blog, I'm forcing myself to do it.

I am currently working 4 jobs and have one huge research paper to get on. When I'm not working, sleeping or eating I can be found staring at a computer screen job hunting like a mad woman. My evening tomorrow will be spent in my Memorial Union office writing coverletters and imagining if I fit the short paragraph description for certain positions.

I recently started working in the capitol for a Democratic representative, Andy Jorgensen, as an intern. The position is unpaid but shaping up to be a great opportunity to get some writing experience and zap me back into the political scene.

Well I'm off to work. It feels good to be back in touch with my blog. This blog helps me to continue being "me focused."

"Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man"

I'm sure you've wondered what men think about love, relationships, intimacy and commitment. I have, and was recently given a highly recommended book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like A Man" by Steve Harvey from my dear mother. She encouraged me to read it so that I could better understand the MEN in my life. I took her advice and I'd love to share some insight with you about the opposite sex we ladies can't seem to understand or live without!

I first need to say and admit that men are simple and women are complicated. All they need is support, love and sex. So keep this in mind as you read the insight I received from the book.

Men show love differently than women. They aren't as mushy, emotional, romantic, complimentary, passionate, nurturing or hoping for a scene out of "The Notebook" or "P.S. I love you;" like we are. In reality a man shows his love in three ways by Professing, Providing and Protecting. If he isn't doing these three things for you, then he definitely isn't thinking long term and you should drop him! If a man wants to be yours, he's willing to tell anybody and everybody about you (profess). Once a man has professed or claimed you he will want to make sure you are cared for (provide). "Society has told us men for millennium that our primary function is to make sure our families are set- whether we're alive or dead (25)." Thirdly he will stand by you and will do his best to make sure nothing bad happens to you (protect).

A man has to have three things accomplished before he can be the man you need or want in your life. Until a man has accomplished these things or is at least on the track to accomplishing them he won't be able to adequately fulfill your needs of attention and satisfaction. Majority of his attention will be going to focus in upon himself, not you or the future of your relationship...that will drive you nuts.

Men at a young age are primed to pursue "manhood." They are constantly in pursuit of becoming a man. As a man matures he needs to accomplish knowing "who he is, what he does and how much he makes." Until then he will not be able to be the complete package a woman wants or needs in her life because he hasn't yet accomplished the foundation for what his whole life has been made to focus upon.

So the take away from this book is to understand that you won't be able to get the kind of relationship a woman feels she deserves with a man until that man has reached his level of "manhood" by his own definition. So ladies don't waste your time trying to change men who are trying to work on attaining their "manhood." It will only cause you to be frustrated and dissatisfied. Let the man develop on his own and in the mean time go find a man who is ready to have a good woman in his life, because that is what you need and want.

Reject Me and Strengthen Me

3 pointless e-mails and two rejection letters from Kerry and Environment America...how much more rejection can a girl take? So I didn't get either job, I also didn't get two others. I'm feeling a little salty and disappointed but I know that I did all that I could to have received employment. I'm not taking these rejections as a personal set back, if anything it's a step forward because I'm learning the lesson of rejection. I'm going to accept that I didn't get the job and continue the job hunt game. I know the skills and qualifications I have to offer a company and I will find employment.

My biggest fear right now is that I won't have a job in my chosen field after graduation. With 39 days until graduation and 39 days left of insurance, I'm starting to feel a little pressure upon my shoulders. How can I enjoy my graduation when I don't have a job lined up afterward in which I can apply my education to?

So I guess it's more cover letters and resumes being placed out there. Otherwise time to be an entrepreneur and start my own agency. Maybe recruit other J-schoolers who are having difficulty finding a career and start our own business. It might just work and we might be able to finagle some free P.R.

So when rejection comes in your life, learn from it and realize you've learned an important lesson. Not everything is going to go the way you plan it or hope for, but what's great about rejection is that when you're not rejected you have a greater appreciation. That can be applied to all things in life and it can also be used in an interview as a good example of something not going your way :).

There is Always a Flipside

There are always pros and cons to living the single life or living the relationship life. After a short conversation with a sophomore classmate today, I concluded to myself that if I could do my undergraduate years over again I would have been single and dated more. And that was the exact advice I gave her.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very content being in a relationship again, but there are just somethings people need to experience and get out of their systems while they are young. Below you will find the pros and cons to both lifestyles. Unfortunately you can't have both, but it's very good to have experienced both. Because like many say, "You have to experience the sour, to appreciate the sweet."

SINGLE LIFESTYLE

Cons:

1. Being the third or fifth wheel when hanging out with your pals gets really old fast

2. Love movies make you feel like a complete failure in life

3. Masturbation can only get you through for so long

4. The only potential mates you come to find are already in relationships or married

5. Awkward bad dates

6. People who just don't understand that you're just not that into them and then having to make up weird excuses as to why you don't want to hangout

Pros:

1. Drunken make-out sessions with bar hotties are always fun

2. You don't have to buy groceries for a week because if you schedule three dates with three people-the leftovers of steak, seafood and that exotic Ty restaurant will get you through

3. You're not responsible for someone else's feelings and emotions

4. You can flirt and flaunt yourself around town

5. If you are a woman all drinks are free when going out to bar

6. An unknown incoming phone call brings delight and mystery

7. Dating can be lots of fun

8. Through dating you learn what you want and don't want in a partner

RELATIONSHIP LIFESTYLE

Cons:

1. When you're taken everyone you ever wanted wants you, but you can't do anything about it

2. You have to be responsible for someone else's feeling and emotions

3. Arguments over things you just don't quite understand

4. Your partner doesn't try as hard to make you feel special or to look good for you

Pros:

1. Foreplay and sex are accessible, and can be taken to new levels

2. Snuggle sessions and sleepovers

3. You have someone you can confide in about everything

4. The feeling of not being alone

5. The feeling of being in love

6. Being able to place your guard down and just be yourself

7. Your family doesn't think you are gay anymore

Goodbye College, Hello Career

I just browsed over my trusty planner and to my amazement I only have 48 days until graduation...wowza this semester has flown bye. So I've got a month and a half to find a full-time job. I feel that the prospect of working for Kerry Ingredients and Flavours is very high, however I don't have the job in the bag yet....so I'll wait on doing my happy dance. I've interviewed with three people, love the location, building, company and feel that this position is the perfect match for my qualifications.

I've got everything in my life in order right up until May 31. I'll be coming back from my Florida vacation on the 31 to hopefully begin my career on June 1!

Off the Market

Yup, that title line is correct. I'm in a relationship and I couldn't be any happier to have the love of my life by my side. My friend Katrina said to me yesterday, "It's not official until you change your status on Facebook." Well I made the change today for the world to see.

I love my partner very much and I'm so thankful for each moment I have to share with him. We were together for three years and then were broken up on good terms for one. This past year I and him needed to experience certain things without one another. By the grace of God our love persevered over distance and time. We have both grown into being better partners and people as a whole.

I'm so excited for our future, however I'm still very excited about my own future. Even though I am in a relationship I plan to never lose sight of who I am and will continue to peruse my own interests. I've made the mistake far to many times in the past of converging my life with my partners, so much that I can't function properly on my own.

I have confidence that our relationship will work in the long haul, because I don't feel any anxiety, worry or fear. I completely trust my partner and have some of the greatest times with him. Last night we giggled non stop for an hour....it felt like a moment straight out of a movie theater scene.

I miss him when we are apart, but I don't have that over the top worry because we always stay connected to one another through our ability to communicate.

It's so unexpected to be in love again, but I couldn't have it any other way. It's nice to show him my love and feel his affection.

Stop, Pause and Capture a Moment

Oh there are random moments that I simply stop the hustle and bustle of my busy life...stand still, look around, breath, and capture the moment as if I have an internal camera. I take these life images and save them for my future. For I know one day, these are the days I'm going to miss, these are the days that I will wish to live again.

I take in the Madison city smell, feel the cool breeze brush my hair across my cheek, admire people who pass smiling, watch as the leaves and garbage glide across the sidewalk, listen to the small birds sing, notice how the clouds transform before my eyes and just watch life happen.

I don't only take in beautiful moments, I capture stressful moments when things seem to be troubling my young mind. A good example of this was two weeks ago I was up late studying for my "Political Science of Human Rights" exam and I looked up from my 13 page study guide at 1:00 am. My attention from cramming for four hours started to take a toll on my ability to focus. I looked around my apartment from the comfort of my bed. I surveyed my belongings, the way the layers of paint collect in the corners of the upholstery, the way the small light next to my bed cast shadows along the walls, and I smiled. I was proud of my life and exactly how it is. I might not have much, but what I do have I'm fortunate to have. I might not have money, the coolest gadgets, and an accumulating amount of credit card debt, but it's okay. I know one day I'll be beyond this point in my life. But I know deep down when I'm creating the next chapter in my life, I'll always miss this cozy inadequate at times college student lifestyle. I simply love my life and when I capture simple moments...I realize how great it is. I hope to one day look back upon my internal photo album and feel joy.

So as they say, "take sometime to smell the roses" it will allow for you to appreciate where you are and where you have been.

My Youth Dissapearing

I've felt a little different lately, this something actually started to occur over the past two years but sprang on quickly since mid December. In mid December I had a huge drunken argument with my sister. I woke up the next morning with an epiphany that it was time for me to grow up and start making mature decisions.

I'm 23 years-old, about to graduate from college and about to enter into the working world. I'm going to be the young face in the office on the bottom of the totem pole but I hope to be taken seriously in my work environment.

Any who, I know that no matter how old I am or how much responsibility is placed upon my shoulders I'll always hold onto my playful side and live for discovering interesting things in this fascinating world.

Spring Break

Oh it's that time of the year again....a week off from my studies, mornings to sleep in, time to relax and catch up with family and friends. So nice yet this is my last spring break. Soon enough I'll be in the working world and fabulous periods off from work each season will be nonexsistent. I'll be looking forward to Fridays each week, and those lousy two weeks of vacation and 3 sick days...yikes! I'm going to just take in each of the last days I have as a college student and appreciate where I am at right now in life.

Some things I'm going to get accomplished this break:
-set up two more job interviews for the month of March
-have my graduation photos taken by my amazing cousin
-spend time with my Mom, Dad, sister and brother
-return to the gym, now that my health has returned
-prepare myself for my job interview with Kerry Ingredients and Flavours...so excited

Living 4 Today vs. Living 4 Tomorrow

I swear time speeds up the older we get. I believe it's due to our fast-paced American culture. We have so many time commitments, things expected of us, material items we have to own, that we fill our busy Blackberries and calendars and lose slight of the present.

Sometimes I find myself to be so focused on the future, that I begin to worry about it, which leads to me being stressed out in the present moment.

When we worry about what may or may not occur in the future, we miss the joy that is available today. It's a paradox. How does one balance living in the now with preparing responsibly for the future?

Planning for the future is fully compatible with living joyfully today. The other aspect of preparing for the future is accepting that things will probably not turn out the way we plan. Creating this acceptance of life's uncertainties is much more challenging than formulating and following through on plans.The source of most worry is a lack of acceptance of the uncertainties of the future. When one fully lives a life of acceptance, life's vagaries are not merely tolerated, but are enjoyed because they are life's gifts.

The recipe for a joyful life is planning and preparing for the future, while simultaneously accepting that you hold virtually no control over future events. By placing no demands on the future, you can enjoy whatever life brings.

My faith has predominantly helped me to deal with my worry. I know that God loves me and has a plan for my life. My faith allows for me to not worry, because his plan will be revealed over time.

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." - Buddha