Love This Pain

My mom might of hit the nail on the head the other night about women and pain. Sometimes women love pain. I’m not writing about masochism; however, I do know some kinky chicks that get off on that. I’m talking about mental pain that can cause a person to  feel depressed and in some ways paralyzed in their life. I like to call those moments pity parties; however, there is definitely no fun associated with those types of parties. Heavy drinking? Now that all depends upon the person.

I’m guilty of enjoying mental pain. Not causing pain to others, but indulging in it in my own life. I never realized that I have enjoyed holding onto the feeling of emptiness. I feel sorrow and at times in solitude I sulk.  It has been my guilty pleasure, my distraction from the wonderful things I have in my life. There is no real reason as to why I hold onto pain, but realizing it may help me to release it.

I’m unsure of the cure, but I think realizing that the past is the past and all you have control of is the present maybe a good start. All people are affected by their past experiences. Some people continually replay horrific or traumatic experiences in their minds. Others may continually be hard on themselves for a past action or may ponder the constant 'what if' question. All of these thoughts lead to mental pain and for some it can hinder their ability to enjoy the present. It would be wonderful if all of us could hold onto the positive experiences in our lives versus letting painful experiences flood our minds and spirits.

Pain has produced some of the most beautiful poems, literature and love songs of our time. It is what makes dramatic movies so appealing. It is something that is hard to accept and hard to let go.

SCREAM and Let It Out

I literally SCREAMED as loud as I could twice today and it felt AMAZING! The sensation I had afterward made me smile and giggle.

I needed to just release all the bulls-shit that has been on my mind lately. All day I had stressful thoughts and emotions going threw my brain. It was starting to make me feel depressed and sick. I just needed to free myself from this tension but I didn't know how. I thought to scream at the top of my lungs while staring at my computer in my cubicle; but that would have resulted in the entire second floor of Kohl's thinking I was dying or crazy.

So after work while I was doing 75 on the freeway, I looked around me to ensure no other drivers could see me and I just let my windshield have it! I let my INNER BITCH ROAR and it felt oh so good. I actually surprised myself at how loud my scream was. The raspyness in my vocal cords came together into one loud tone and my diaphragm tightened. It was a feeling that I have not felt since I was a child screaming because things weren't going my way.

After the first scream I smiled and felt the need to just give it one more scream! After the second scream, I giggled and I felt a sense of peace. As if I had just overcome something triumphant.

I felt instantly like I was back in control of my life. I have been wanting to scream for the past couple weeks. I was just too concerned with how others would interpret or react to my scream, so I put it off and assumed it was just foolish.

So if you have stress and crap going on in your life: SCREAM! If you feel like your starting to lose yourself in this great big world: SCREAM! Find a secluded spot and just let it out. You just might be happy you did. Make sure to share you experience with someone close to you.