For many years, I've believed that if I was alone that it meant I was undesirable. Now at the age of 24, I know that this is not the case. I'd rather be alone wishing I was in a great relationship, than to be in a mediocre relationship wishing I was single.
I'm figuring out what I want in life and the type of person I'd like to spend it with. Right now my focus is upon me and eventually a special someone will fit into my life. I've noticed that when I'm not in a relationship that I am capable of almost anything. On my own I seem to have less, but in so many ways I have more. More opportunity and freedom. The tricky part is to not get sidetracked and caught up in something that deep down I know isn't what I want.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
I'm Just Looking For A Good Time
I was ready for bed when the door of my apartment sprang open and in walked a friend. I was grabbed by the hand and forced to go out to the bar. Now this is exactly what I did not want to happen on my Wednesday night. I've been lately programmed to be a housewife. I like to work, come home, make dinner, read a book and go to sleep. So tonight threw off my routine. Zapped me back into being 24 and single. SINGLE! Wow kind of weird to admit.
I was under the assumption that tonight would be one drink. Well one drink lead to 6 shots of apple gut rot and two talk mixers. Let's just say, "I'm feeling dandy as candy" right now. It was a strange feeling to have men engaging with me and feeling a sense of freedom. I have no interest in anyone at the moment, but it was nice to be out. It felt foreign but in many way liberating.
So right now, I'm just looking for a good time. No strings, commitments, drama or physical attention. Just good conversation and silliness. It's nice to just be me.
I was under the assumption that tonight would be one drink. Well one drink lead to 6 shots of apple gut rot and two talk mixers. Let's just say, "I'm feeling dandy as candy" right now. It was a strange feeling to have men engaging with me and feeling a sense of freedom. I have no interest in anyone at the moment, but it was nice to be out. It felt foreign but in many way liberating.
So right now, I'm just looking for a good time. No strings, commitments, drama or physical attention. Just good conversation and silliness. It's nice to just be me.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
My Little Big Sister Is Getting Married
The woman I’ve always wanted to be is getting married and I am honored to be a part of her wedding party. On August 21, 2010 my sister will share the last name of the man she has been waiting for her whole life. As I start to compile my thoughts into words for my maid-of-honor speech, I can’t help but reminisce about all the wonderful memories her and I have shared over the past 24 years.
It brings me much pleasure to know that my sister will grow old with a man who respects and adores her; a man who captures her heart and puts a twinkle in her eye. I look forward to hearing their vows, holding their future children, watching their hair turn gray and seeing their love grow stronger through life’s tribulations.
I haven’t been in much of a lovey-dovey mood lately, but I can’t deny the love my heart still aches to find. One day, I too will vow to share my life with someone who makes my life worth living. Till then, I will splurge my love upon family members and close friends. God sure does bless the broken road.
It brings me much pleasure to know that my sister will grow old with a man who respects and adores her; a man who captures her heart and puts a twinkle in her eye. I look forward to hearing their vows, holding their future children, watching their hair turn gray and seeing their love grow stronger through life’s tribulations.
I haven’t been in much of a lovey-dovey mood lately, but I can’t deny the love my heart still aches to find. One day, I too will vow to share my life with someone who makes my life worth living. Till then, I will splurge my love upon family members and close friends. God sure does bless the broken road.
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| My sister and future BIL |
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Patience the Companion of Wisdom
Patience seems to be a virtue I have struggled to acquire. In this rapid world of instant solutions, microwave ovens and high speed Internet, it seems that patience is a wise lesson many of us don't seem to learn and quite frankly don't make time for.Without patience, we seem to find ourselves overly stressed and lacking in anything significant. Patience is about accepting the present moment and waiting out the future.
Waiting out the future seems to be where I want to start pulling out my hair and grinding my teeth. It's as if, I want to figure out the end of the story or problem by skipping all the steps it takes to get to the solution or outcome. This ultimately leads to me being dissatisfied.
The good things in life take time. Pain and suffering need to come along the way, so that we can experience bliss. The reason is because pleasure isn't as enjoyable without the pain, so we have to be patient and endure our lives and accept our situations to be able to experience the bliss that will come in time.
Right now, I'm in a transition period and I have to be patient. I don't want to be. However, I know that I'll find exactly what I'm looking for in a career, home and love life if I am. It's hard for me to sometimes take my own advice; however, it's something I must do.
"Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience.” -Anonymous
Waiting out the future seems to be where I want to start pulling out my hair and grinding my teeth. It's as if, I want to figure out the end of the story or problem by skipping all the steps it takes to get to the solution or outcome. This ultimately leads to me being dissatisfied.
The good things in life take time. Pain and suffering need to come along the way, so that we can experience bliss. The reason is because pleasure isn't as enjoyable without the pain, so we have to be patient and endure our lives and accept our situations to be able to experience the bliss that will come in time.
Right now, I'm in a transition period and I have to be patient. I don't want to be. However, I know that I'll find exactly what I'm looking for in a career, home and love life if I am. It's hard for me to sometimes take my own advice; however, it's something I must do.
"Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience.” -Anonymous
Friday, August 6, 2010
Couch Snuggler
When I'm sad, I'm a straight up couch snuggler. Ever realize that a couch is almost like a perfect partner to spoon with? If you enjoy being 'little spoon' this is the place meant for you.
A couch is shaped like an 'L' and supports your back, while allowing your body to sink into its cushions. It doesn't squirm, steal the covers or stick to you, not unless it's leather. The only downer is that it may decide to part its cushions and devour a part of your body. lol
The last three nights, I've found my partner to be the couch. If you are feeling lonely at night snuggle up to a good book, television show or movie and allow you body to relax on the couch. It just might help you to get a good night's rest.
A couch is shaped like an 'L' and supports your back, while allowing your body to sink into its cushions. It doesn't squirm, steal the covers or stick to you, not unless it's leather. The only downer is that it may decide to part its cushions and devour a part of your body. lol
The last three nights, I've found my partner to be the couch. If you are feeling lonely at night snuggle up to a good book, television show or movie and allow you body to relax on the couch. It just might help you to get a good night's rest.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
The Kind of Woman I'd Like My Daughter 2 Be
Ever stuck between a rock and hard place? It's a place that no matter what you do you are pretty much fucked (pardon my French).
I was in one of those places this past month and I finally decided to squeeze my size 7 ass out. After much deliberation and courage, I vacated my boyfriend's home.
Now, this was not an easy task and it did not go as expected. I was informed that if I moved, the relationship was to conclude. So I left. I don't need to justify my reasons, since I still care. However, the thought of the kind of woman I'd like my future daughter to be gave me much encouragement.
No, I'm not prego and there is no one on the side. I needed a push to make a decision and the advice that I would give to my future daughter gave me the needed umf. My inner voice was telling me something and I quietly listen.
So if you are ever in one of those difficult situations, think about the advice you would give someone that means the world to you. Someone you created and invested blood, sweat and tears for. It will help you to make the best decision no matter how hard it can be.
Stronger Woman by Jewel --Listen to the song that inspired me to keep on going and to not turn the truck around.
I was in one of those places this past month and I finally decided to squeeze my size 7 ass out. After much deliberation and courage, I vacated my boyfriend's home.
Now, this was not an easy task and it did not go as expected. I was informed that if I moved, the relationship was to conclude. So I left. I don't need to justify my reasons, since I still care. However, the thought of the kind of woman I'd like my future daughter to be gave me much encouragement.
No, I'm not prego and there is no one on the side. I needed a push to make a decision and the advice that I would give to my future daughter gave me the needed umf. My inner voice was telling me something and I quietly listen.
So if you are ever in one of those difficult situations, think about the advice you would give someone that means the world to you. Someone you created and invested blood, sweat and tears for. It will help you to make the best decision no matter how hard it can be.
Stronger Woman by Jewel --Listen to the song that inspired me to keep on going and to not turn the truck around.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Why Hate?
Why do some people in relationships have to get to the point of hating each other to leave each other? It boggles my mind.
I think if two people care for each other and the relationship becomes sour they should be able to discuss their concerns and logically understand why the relationship is drawing to a close. Instead, many couples engage in huge arguments and take cheap blows over things that are not the core problem within the relationship. It’s as if ruining a relationship forever, is easier than communicating to each other that it’s just not working.
EPHIPHANY ALERT! Aw there is my answer. I think it’s easier to hate someone you love for inadequate reasons, than to accept that you and this person would be happier with someone else. Maybe there truly is “a thin line between love & hate".
I think it’s completely possible to walk away from a broken relationship and to not hate or despise your partner. Sadness and anger may linger because the bond you once shared has changed; but, hatred should not. Now if your boyfriend or girlfriend is leaving you for your sister or best friend, than I’d likely call them a ‘whore’ and consider hatred. However, to hate because someone is not happy is foolish.
My mom once said to me, “You can choose to be miserable for a short part of your life or for the rest of you life.” When I can see myself being unhappy as an old married woman, I get scared. I don’t want to be miserable. I want to be joyful, respectful, faithful and lovingful (did you like my new word lol?). I am aware that things won’t always be peachy, but there are some things we all can choose to tolerate or not tolerate in a relationship.
So alas comes where I tell you why I have been pondering this question. Well my relationship has drawn sour and I feel that things are about to get ugly. I am no saint, but I feel that I’ve used up all my resources. I’m to the point of being mad at myself for staying in the relationship. It seems that communication really is the key to a successful relationship and I seem to constantly be talking to a wall.
If anything, I’m becoming wiser, less open and more focused upon myself.
So how do you deal with the 'hate phase'?
This is when you want to just scream because your rage feels boundless. The amount of anger you feel depends on how antagonistic the split was, the circumstances, and how long it took to make the final break. You may resent your ex for wasting your time. You may realize that the breakup was inevitable (hindsight will reveal clues you failed to notice at the time). You may even feel a lot of anger towards yourself, but let go of that feeling fast! It's a waste of time and energy to rip yourself apart over something you no longer have the power to change. There are so many positive things you can do with your emotions and energy. Although it may feel good to replace your feelings of love towards your ex with hate, this can still lead to complications and mixed emotions of love and hate which are never a good thing.
I think if two people care for each other and the relationship becomes sour they should be able to discuss their concerns and logically understand why the relationship is drawing to a close. Instead, many couples engage in huge arguments and take cheap blows over things that are not the core problem within the relationship. It’s as if ruining a relationship forever, is easier than communicating to each other that it’s just not working.
EPHIPHANY ALERT! Aw there is my answer. I think it’s easier to hate someone you love for inadequate reasons, than to accept that you and this person would be happier with someone else. Maybe there truly is “a thin line between love & hate".
I think it’s completely possible to walk away from a broken relationship and to not hate or despise your partner. Sadness and anger may linger because the bond you once shared has changed; but, hatred should not. Now if your boyfriend or girlfriend is leaving you for your sister or best friend, than I’d likely call them a ‘whore’ and consider hatred. However, to hate because someone is not happy is foolish.
My mom once said to me, “You can choose to be miserable for a short part of your life or for the rest of you life.” When I can see myself being unhappy as an old married woman, I get scared. I don’t want to be miserable. I want to be joyful, respectful, faithful and lovingful (did you like my new word lol?). I am aware that things won’t always be peachy, but there are some things we all can choose to tolerate or not tolerate in a relationship.
So alas comes where I tell you why I have been pondering this question. Well my relationship has drawn sour and I feel that things are about to get ugly. I am no saint, but I feel that I’ve used up all my resources. I’m to the point of being mad at myself for staying in the relationship. It seems that communication really is the key to a successful relationship and I seem to constantly be talking to a wall.
If anything, I’m becoming wiser, less open and more focused upon myself.
So how do you deal with the 'hate phase'?
This is when you want to just scream because your rage feels boundless. The amount of anger you feel depends on how antagonistic the split was, the circumstances, and how long it took to make the final break. You may resent your ex for wasting your time. You may realize that the breakup was inevitable (hindsight will reveal clues you failed to notice at the time). You may even feel a lot of anger towards yourself, but let go of that feeling fast! It's a waste of time and energy to rip yourself apart over something you no longer have the power to change. There are so many positive things you can do with your emotions and energy. Although it may feel good to replace your feelings of love towards your ex with hate, this can still lead to complications and mixed emotions of love and hate which are never a good thing.
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