Goodbye College, Hello Career

I just browsed over my trusty planner and to my amazement I only have 48 days until graduation...wowza this semester has flown bye. So I've got a month and a half to find a full-time job. I feel that the prospect of working for Kerry Ingredients and Flavours is very high, however I don't have the job in the bag yet....so I'll wait on doing my happy dance. I've interviewed with three people, love the location, building, company and feel that this position is the perfect match for my qualifications.

I've got everything in my life in order right up until May 31. I'll be coming back from my Florida vacation on the 31 to hopefully begin my career on June 1!

Off the Market

Yup, that title line is correct. I'm in a relationship and I couldn't be any happier to have the love of my life by my side. My friend Katrina said to me yesterday, "It's not official until you change your status on Facebook." Well I made the change today for the world to see.

I love my partner very much and I'm so thankful for each moment I have to share with him. We were together for three years and then were broken up on good terms for one. This past year I and him needed to experience certain things without one another. By the grace of God our love persevered over distance and time. We have both grown into being better partners and people as a whole.

I'm so excited for our future, however I'm still very excited about my own future. Even though I am in a relationship I plan to never lose sight of who I am and will continue to peruse my own interests. I've made the mistake far to many times in the past of converging my life with my partners, so much that I can't function properly on my own.

I have confidence that our relationship will work in the long haul, because I don't feel any anxiety, worry or fear. I completely trust my partner and have some of the greatest times with him. Last night we giggled non stop for an hour....it felt like a moment straight out of a movie theater scene.

I miss him when we are apart, but I don't have that over the top worry because we always stay connected to one another through our ability to communicate.

It's so unexpected to be in love again, but I couldn't have it any other way. It's nice to show him my love and feel his affection.

Stop, Pause and Capture a Moment

Oh there are random moments that I simply stop the hustle and bustle of my busy life...stand still, look around, breath, and capture the moment as if I have an internal camera. I take these life images and save them for my future. For I know one day, these are the days I'm going to miss, these are the days that I will wish to live again.

I take in the Madison city smell, feel the cool breeze brush my hair across my cheek, admire people who pass smiling, watch as the leaves and garbage glide across the sidewalk, listen to the small birds sing, notice how the clouds transform before my eyes and just watch life happen.

I don't only take in beautiful moments, I capture stressful moments when things seem to be troubling my young mind. A good example of this was two weeks ago I was up late studying for my "Political Science of Human Rights" exam and I looked up from my 13 page study guide at 1:00 am. My attention from cramming for four hours started to take a toll on my ability to focus. I looked around my apartment from the comfort of my bed. I surveyed my belongings, the way the layers of paint collect in the corners of the upholstery, the way the small light next to my bed cast shadows along the walls, and I smiled. I was proud of my life and exactly how it is. I might not have much, but what I do have I'm fortunate to have. I might not have money, the coolest gadgets, and an accumulating amount of credit card debt, but it's okay. I know one day I'll be beyond this point in my life. But I know deep down when I'm creating the next chapter in my life, I'll always miss this cozy inadequate at times college student lifestyle. I simply love my life and when I capture simple moments...I realize how great it is. I hope to one day look back upon my internal photo album and feel joy.

So as they say, "take sometime to smell the roses" it will allow for you to appreciate where you are and where you have been.

My Youth Dissapearing

I've felt a little different lately, this something actually started to occur over the past two years but sprang on quickly since mid December. In mid December I had a huge drunken argument with my sister. I woke up the next morning with an epiphany that it was time for me to grow up and start making mature decisions.

I'm 23 years-old, about to graduate from college and about to enter into the working world. I'm going to be the young face in the office on the bottom of the totem pole but I hope to be taken seriously in my work environment.

Any who, I know that no matter how old I am or how much responsibility is placed upon my shoulders I'll always hold onto my playful side and live for discovering interesting things in this fascinating world.

Spring Break

Oh it's that time of the year again....a week off from my studies, mornings to sleep in, time to relax and catch up with family and friends. So nice yet this is my last spring break. Soon enough I'll be in the working world and fabulous periods off from work each season will be nonexsistent. I'll be looking forward to Fridays each week, and those lousy two weeks of vacation and 3 sick days...yikes! I'm going to just take in each of the last days I have as a college student and appreciate where I am at right now in life.

Some things I'm going to get accomplished this break:
-set up two more job interviews for the month of March
-have my graduation photos taken by my amazing cousin
-spend time with my Mom, Dad, sister and brother
-return to the gym, now that my health has returned
-prepare myself for my job interview with Kerry Ingredients and Flavours...so excited

Living 4 Today vs. Living 4 Tomorrow

I swear time speeds up the older we get. I believe it's due to our fast-paced American culture. We have so many time commitments, things expected of us, material items we have to own, that we fill our busy Blackberries and calendars and lose slight of the present.

Sometimes I find myself to be so focused on the future, that I begin to worry about it, which leads to me being stressed out in the present moment.

When we worry about what may or may not occur in the future, we miss the joy that is available today. It's a paradox. How does one balance living in the now with preparing responsibly for the future?

Planning for the future is fully compatible with living joyfully today. The other aspect of preparing for the future is accepting that things will probably not turn out the way we plan. Creating this acceptance of life's uncertainties is much more challenging than formulating and following through on plans.The source of most worry is a lack of acceptance of the uncertainties of the future. When one fully lives a life of acceptance, life's vagaries are not merely tolerated, but are enjoyed because they are life's gifts.

The recipe for a joyful life is planning and preparing for the future, while simultaneously accepting that you hold virtually no control over future events. By placing no demands on the future, you can enjoy whatever life brings.

My faith has predominantly helped me to deal with my worry. I know that God loves me and has a plan for my life. My faith allows for me to not worry, because his plan will be revealed over time.

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." - Buddha

Simple Life, Simple Pleasures

It's Friday night and I'm exactly where I want to be...home. My hair in a pony-tail, minimal make-up, comfy clothes and I'm about to plunk myself into the bath tub. I've been enjoying life at a slower pace over the past 2 months. This slow pace was originally brought on by my poor health condition but now I really like being alone. It's nice to stay clear from the hustle and bustle of the bars, noisy parties, dumb drunk men and catty women. I think I've done a lot of growing up over the past two months.

Making time for myself has been great...I've found myself again. I listen to my body and I do what I want to do. I give myself time to understand this complexed world and I've been figuring out where life is going.

I'm a bath kind of gal...my bath to shower ratio is 6:1/week. I find the hour soaking in the tub to be my favorite place to unravel my mind. It's time that I shut the outside world off and I just relax. I think about life and I reflect upon memories, highlights/low lights of the day, future hopes and organize my thoughts or things I want to accomplish in the following week. It's so nice to just take my time...shave my legs, scrub up, dissipate under the warm water and listen to my heart beat.

Take sometime to get better aquainted with your mind and body by spending an hour in a hot bath of water. Light some candles, put on a soothing song and meditate.

Treat Yourself

If you want something, work for it and buy it. There are three gifts that I have always associated should come from men: 1. diamonds 2. flowers 3. lingerie.

Well yesterday I had the urge to buy something sexy from Victoria's Secret and I did just that. I bought myself one of the sexiest outfits I've ever seen myself in and I have no one to wear it for....and that is ok with me. I mean yes there are men I could wear it for, but I actually bought this for me. It's something I can wear when I'm out to give me that extra boost of sexy confidence. And it's something I can dance around in at my apartment when I have "Crazy Bitch" blaring from my stereo and the the blinds shut.

The Types of Men To Stay Away From

1. The Lonely Guy

Characteristics: Sweet, romantic (though typically not great in the dancing department), loves planning outings, and thinks that the sun rises and sets right on you.
Why You'll Be Tempted: He's the sensitive guy who everyone says just needs a chance, plus he'll do anything for you.
Why You Should Run: He really will do anything for you, which can be very, very scary and the words “I love you” slip from his mouth on the second date.
Danger Sign: He not-so-casually remarks: "Since my other friends are married now, I'm really looking for someone to fill my evenings with." (Translation: "Please, please save me from my horrible crushing solitude.")
What to Say to Scare Him Away: "I love spending time alone."

2. The Mama's Boy

Characteristics: Sweet, but soft: he may have a bit of a belly from mom's home-cooked meals, and/or he may actually live at home.
Why You'll Be Tempted: He'll watch chick flicks with you.
Why You Should Run: He's actually already seen them all.
Danger Signs: He tells you you're the woman his mom's always dreamed of, and brings her along on your first date.
What to Say to Scare Him Away: "I tend to prefer guys who pick out their clothes themselves."

3. The Jock

Characteristics: Hunky, tough, always up for a spontaneous game of football, able to carry off a backwards baseball cap and seems to always have something manly going on.
Why You'll Be Tempted: Those muscles.
Why You Should Run: All the hours he spends at the gym bulking up those muscles, not to mention the hours spent gazing at his reflection in the mirror, in store windows, on the back of his spoon...he’ll never be able to give you the attention you need.
Danger Signs: He watches sports on TV constantly, even during sex.
What to Say to Scare Him Away: "The [insert local sports team here] stink."

4. The Womanizer

Characteristics: Whether he's traditionally handsome or a diamond in the rough, there's just something about this guy that makes you swoon. And he treats women like gold because he loves them -- all of them -- so much.
Why You'll Be Tempted: He knows how to compliment, woo, and touch to thrill -- especially thrill.
Why You Should Run: He uses the same routine on every woman he meets.
Danger Sign: He blanks on your name while you're both naked (it's tough to keep all those women straight).
What to Say to Scare Him Away: Two words: "Monica Lewinsky”

5. Mr. Not-So-Straight
Characteristics: Stunning good looks, dashing dresser, hip on the pop culture front, and refreshingly keen on shopping with you.
Why You'll Be Tempted: He really "gets" you.
Why You Should Run: You deserve more than a partner to watch "Will and Grace" with.
Danger Sign: When you both catch yourselves watching the Bachelor with equal enthusiasm and tears
What to Say to Scare Him Away: "My dad would love to take you hunting."

6. The Workaholic

Characteristics: High-profile business man: smart, ambitious, impeccably dressed, and completely unavailable (unless you're a CEO negotiating a corporate takeover).
Why You'll Be Tempted: He's dapper, charming, and successful. What's not to love?
Why You Should Run: See the "completely unavailable" part above.
Danger Sign: You start calling his office just to talk to his assistant -- since you've become so close over the phone.
What to Say to Scare Him Away: "Love those Democrats. I'd vote for Clinton again if I could."

7. The "Feminist"

Characteristics: Passionate, loves to talk (especially about politics), employed by a non-profit organization, vegan, owns several hemp bags, shirts, and wallets.
Why You'll Be Tempted: His passion for women's issues suggests he will be nothing short of enraptured by you -- a real-live woman. (Bonus: He never watches sports.)
Why You Should Run: While you're certainly no damsel in distress, it would be nice to have a guy do one of the following (all of which are strictly against his beliefs): Open a door, pay for dinner, send you flowers, or simply pick you up in his Volkswagon Bug for your date.
Danger Sign: He spells women with a "y."
What to Say to Scare Him Away: "What I'm really looking for is someone to support me -- in style."

8. The Trendoid

Characteristics: Well-dressed and confident, he knows the latest fashion trends -- even better than you do!
Why You'll Be Tempted: Flat-front chinos, slick turtlenecks, fashionable belts, cool shoes...what more could you ask for in a man?
Why You Should Run: His wardrobe will make yours look pathetic by comparison.
Danger Sign: He'd rather shop at Prada than have sex.
What to Say to Scare Him Away: "Dolce who?”

Don't Quite Get Acceptance Concept

Those who love you want the best for you, right? Well I and the man I have been dating have been trying to work out the kinks in our relationship over the past two months, but the one thing that keeps him at a distance is him thinking that I don't understand the concept of ACCEPTANCE.

This concept doesn't quite make sense to me, because I think people should want to please those they love..which means they should want to do certain actions. I'm not meaning that a person needs to change who they are, just try to show certain actions.

The definition of acceptance according to the Webster's Dictionary: " to endure without protest or reaction." Meaning that you perceive reality (situations, people, things) in your life accurately for what they are and not what you expect or want from them. This way you don't get disappointed or frustrated. True acceptance means realizing you can't control things or people so you just take them for what they are and happy with what you get.

Well I think my problem is that I understand that these people have the capability to change or do this action and I feel that I'm entitled to it due to the relationship between them and I. So why aren't they doing what I would like? And because they don't' do these actions I hold a slight resentment toward them which hinders my ability to have a strong relationship with them. Well In my mind if they would only do these actions they could have a strong relationship with me.

So I'm set out this afternoon to research the Internet in search of understanding this concept that is to bring me complete happiness.

Getting disappointed in some people's actions or lack of it is part of being human, isn't it? Like for example I accept that my father doesn't like to give out money, however I do still get upset that he doesn't mail me a birthday card with money or offer to help me out while I struggle through college. I have gotten upset with men I've dated because they refuse to show affection in the form oh how I believe a boyfriend should show to his girlfriend. These are the only two situations I can think of that I've gotten upset about someones lack of action because I can't change them. I hope for these actions from these people because I perceive my expectations from them to be standard. They are expectations that are culturally accepted...a father caring for his family (financially and emotionally) or a boyfriend rubbing his girlfriends shoulders or feet to reduce her stress. These are actions of love that show to me that they care for me and want me to be happy.

I understand the ability to just appreciate things for what they are and not hope for more will lead to happiness. So where do I go from here, how can I implement acceptance into my life? How do I give up what I feel I deserve? How do I reduce my expectation of how I feel love should be shown to me? I'm a little lost to be honest.

From http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/06/self-discipline-acceptance/ about acceptance. "This may sound simple and obvious, but in practice it’s extremely difficult. If you experience chronic difficulties in a particular area of your life, there’s a strong chance that the root of the problem is a failure to accept reality as it is.

From a blog http://rexiemh.blogspot.com/2006/09/acceptance-prayer.html "My prayer for the day....it has come to my attention yet again that I am trying to control things that are beyond my control. I need to accept that I have certain things in my life that have the appearance of being things I can change when in reality they are things I cannot change. By continually trying to change that which I cannot I am being selfish and not of maximum service to God and those around me. So for today I will pray this prayer and pick up the tools that have been given me to deal with those things.....thanks to those who love me enough to help me see this blind spot and have so compassionately guided me on this journey."