Satisfaction

So after a poor start to the week of man drama and a flat tire, I got some great news today. I got a promotion!!

I am selfishly bragging, but don't judge me. I may need to one day look back on this post and absorb some of the positive energy placed into this post. Because we all know we have those days when we "can't get no sat-is-fac-tion." Don't mind me writing in song. When I'm jolly I sing and sometimes, if you get me in a super-duper mood, I'll start making up my own words and melody.  Yes I'm cheesy and I might be one of a kind, but that is why you love me.

I'm "move'n on up" which seems slow as I go through the motions; however, looking back on the past year I start to realize that I have come pretty far from being a seasonal employee. So thank you to every one who has encouraged me, prayed for me or can in some small way find happiness for me. I feel appreciated and content at the moment. I hope this feeling stays with me for awhile.

I Break My Heart

You might not know it, but I love to grasp a pencil in-between my fingers and draw life as I see it. I have no talent to draw from my imagination; however, I think I'm pretty good at drawing images I can see in front of me. So I'm working on a new piece of artwork: drawing my heart.

This drawing has been very hard for me to depict, since I'm unsure about what my heart really looks like, and it's hard to depict the message I want to bring forward in it. After thinking about my bleeding heart, I have reflected upon my ability to love. I have started to realize that I have no one to blame for the scars and bruises ladened upon it. I realize that I have broken my own heart because of fear and expectations. It's amazing how art can make you realize so many things about yourself. It truly is a way to express yourself and at the same time learn about yourself.

So if you have something that can't seem to be expressed in words, I recommend trying to present it in a art. The progress up to the finished product might make you discover things you were unaware of.

Getting Lost In A Book

If I could keep my mind attentive and eyes wide open, I would start reading a new book called 'Still Missing' by Chevy Stevens tonight.  It was recommended by my boyfriend's mother and it appears to have everything women want to read in it: love, abduction, terror, sex, girl-kick-ass and life. The kind of shit men don't want to read about, but women do.So it's sweet dreams to me and, before I know it, good morning hardcover book in between my sheets.

I guess it's a sign that I'm getting older, because my Friday morning highlight isn't the cartoons, Jerry Springer reruns or being able to sleep in till noon. Instead, it's finding pleasure in getting lost within the pages of a well written novel.

Switching It Up

So after eating a dozen mosquitoes, running for my life from a pack of wasps, being caught in two thunderstorms and missing out on my social life, I've decided to switch-up my daily routine of sleeping-in (lucky bitch you’re thinking) and evening jogs. Yes, I do have a full-time job; however, I work the awkward shift of (10:30 a.m. to 7 p.m.) 40 hours a week. With a shift like that a productive person needs to jam pack priorities in before and after the shift.Unfortunately, for the past several months I've been becoming a night owl and not so productive.

So, I am four days into this new routine and there are three perks and one setback. It's amazing what I can do with two hours of ME time each morning.

• First, I am able to workout without being a bug’s main-course meal.

• Second, I do not have to risk my life or a speeding ticket each morning on my commute to work. I can now take my time. I am used to dashing out the door last minute, driving 15 mph over the speed limit and scanning for cops like a pissed off lady because I hadn't given myself enough time to get ready for the day.
• Third, I'm able to relax or be social. I can kick my feet up, snuggle with the boyfriend or go out with friends and family. Before, I was always a sweaty mess after my evening jog; that, by the time I took a shower I didn't want to spend another half an hour getting pretty. Once I’m clean and in a bathrobe I just want to stay naked and fresh.
• Setback, it’s going on midnight and I'm still up. I should be in bed trying to sleep since my body is used to being spoiled with 8-10 hours of sleep each night. Operating on less than 8 hours of sleep is hard for me; especially, when I’m forcing my body to run for 45 minutes each morning and then sit in silence starring at a computer screen for 8 hours each day. Ahhh the thought kills me.

So I'll give this new routine a whirl. With it I will be able to reduce my stress and stay organized. I can sleep once I'm dead. Good night.

Suburban Girl With An Itch For the City

I have no sense of style, like comfy clothes, have been dependent upon a car for majority of my life, do all my shopping at Kohl's Department Store; however, I have a desire for the city life!

I was born and raised a conservative girl in the suburbs with a love for the country and a fear for the city. I moved to Madison, Wisconsin for three years during college and loved it! Since graduation, I have moved back into my hometown area of safety and seculsion in the suburbs. No matter how comfotable I feel here, I can't seem to stop pondering what my potential could be in a major U.S. city. I can't escape the fascination I have for the diversity and excitement of the city life.

Big cities are foreign and scary to me, but this also makes them very appealing to me. It's as if my soul wants to take a chance, start a new and be a career minded lady in Chicago, New York, Austin, or San Fransico. I'm young, social and the thought of working along business professionals in high-rise buildings is pretty enticing in comparison to my laid-back lifestyle in the suburbs of PTO mothers, hickbars full of burnouts and the daily half an hour commute to work.

So nothing is set in-stone about me moving, but it's something I'm going to look into. I don't want to look back on my life when I'm 30 and wonder why I never took the chance of failure or success in a city. I think if I take this chance, I'd learn so much about myself and the world around me. Allow for me to pop this bubble I live in.

Soulmates Reality or Torture Device?

Post from 7/10/10. Why did I censor my thoughts back then?

So you may think there is that one person out in this world that could compliment it; stop lying to yourself; you are only torturing your mind. THEY DON'T EXIST!

I don't  believe in there being that ONE SOULMATE. Yes, I think your soul has a place holder position for those you feel strongly for, but I think your soul can love many; however,  it needs time to absorb and dissolve partners.

I think  a person can be loved by many and love many; however, the more you love the less you are able to find pleasure in love. It as if your soul becomes callous, strengthened, protected and able to defend itself from letdown the more you try to share it with.

These are my thoughts, whether good or bad, numb or sad.

The contemplation of a single partner for a soulmate has crossed my mind lately because my boyfriend is someone who wants MY future. Don't get me wrong he is a great guy; but, GREAT doesn't mean I wouldn't find amazing, fantastic, out of this world,  or another great guy out there. Yes, those definitions are far fetched; but what I am saying is, if it is not him there will be someone else. Just because Prince Charming at the moment comes a hot and steady on his white horse doesn't mean I need to jump into the saddle with him.

So if you are living with the thought that you erased, missed, haven't found, fucked-over or messed up on your SOULMATE, honey STOP! You are worth something more than what you have had. You will find what you are looking for. Yes, you may need to redefine what your definition is for the man you want to spend your life with; but, the more you learn what you want and don't want the closer you are to knowing what your soul needs. The thought of a soulmate to me is a torture device. Keep cranking on it and you are bound to feel pain.

(Now slice your wrist BITCH-says Gabby) ----I am glad someone want's to read and listen to my thoughts.