Single Again

So I did it again, I ended a relationship....or as Dane Cook would say, "relationSHIT!" I placed my heart out there to get it trampled, disappointed and rejected. I invested all my thoughts and hopes into a man whom wasn't that into me. I can handle the truth...not everyone in this world is going to fall in love with me. After months of trying to make this man want me; I was burned out, pissed, ready to drink, waiting on his phone calls, placing my friends second best and so caught up in this man that I started to lose focus of ME. I literally was attached to my phone and would jump every time in rang in hopes that it was him calling and if it wasn't I was disappointed....women why do we do this to ourselves?

After months of this rejection game with him, I started to feel insecure about myself and I couldn't stand it anymore. I couldn't study for my exams, get a good night's sleep and found myself to be teeter tottering if I wanted to be in this relationship....however I couldn't end things because I held onto hope. Hope that one day he would change. Change....ha....I know men don't change but why do we lie to ourselves and assume they will?

Well my inner voice was always telling me the truth and this past week I finally started to listen to it and it told me, "get out!"

For some reason after breaking up with a man, I always feel like the rapture has occurred and I've been left here on earth alone. I have a moment of panic, where I can feel the world completely stop and I think I've made the worst decision ever. I'll be depressed for a day and replay all the good moments and think I made the wrong decision. However, what gives me strength to move on is that I've made a decision.

Making a decision is actually the key part to finding yourself....because for months I was making excuses in response to what my inner voice was saying. Over the past three days of being single I've been down and at times I've cried, but I'll tell you the greatest feeling is knowing that I made a decision that was true to myself.