I wasn't planning on jumping into anything since my recent break up. I've just wanted to spend quality time with those that I have pushed aside over the past couple of months.
So I spent some time with the man I dated for three years...playing with fire I guess. We hung out and had a lot of good conversations, laughs and hugs; however I couldn't escape the feeling that I just wasn't into him. No matter how much fun we had or how sweet he was, I couldn't erase the thought of my recent ex or the feeling of having no feelings. I kept thinking to myself, why now? Why now does the man who I loved with all my heart, who was so stubborn, feel that he can come back into my life and be the man I always knew he was? Well I've concluded, it's too late for him and it's too early for anyone new to come galloping into my life looking for love.
I've been feeling numb when it comes to my affection and my emotional level. I don't quite understand how some people in this world can just move onto someone new right after a break up when they still have their ex's belongings in their home or have their ex starring in their dreams late at night. I wish I had that ability, then break ups wouldn't be so hard for me.
I was once told by a teacher in high school, "You can't give to those what you can't give to yourself." Springing into something right now, wouldn't be helpful for me in becoming "Me Focused" or to someone else. I would only be using them to distract my feelings of lose. Part of being focused on yourself is feeling emotion and most importantly understanding it. I know that because I feel a lose and miss my ex, that I truly cared for him.
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